One More Morning

The sun isn’t up yet as she makes her first cup of coffee.  Quietly, so as not to wake her husband, she walks into the livingroom and sits in her favorite chair by the window.  From here she can see the sun rise.  It seems every day she has the same thoughts as she sits here, but seem to be more intense around Christmas….and every other holiday. The silence of the house echo’s her thoughts.  Her mind travels from what she wished for but never will have, family gathered around.  Grandchildren she could have watched grow up.  Her now adult children talking about things that interest them, including remember when.  Instead they pretty much don’t even talk to each other, and two of them don’t talk to her either.  It will never be, and once again her heart aches with a pain that only those who have endured this can know.  She sighs, picks up her cup and takes a sip.  It’s tolerable hot and feels good warming her on this cold day.  The light is ever so slowly creeping up the horizon silhouetting the trees bare branches in the distance.  Her thoughts move on to those she has lost both recently and long ago.  How she longs to be able to see them once more, to hug them, to feel the sense of being a part of them.  They were saved and she knows she will see them in Heaven, but there is such a huge chasm between where they are and where she is.  Their passing leaves her lonelier than before but it’s a pain she bears every day. Much like when a tree has a wound, it just scars over it and makes it a part of who it is, that’s the way it has grown on her.  Cars travel by on the country road in front of her house.  She wonders what the people in them do.  What are their lives like?  She checks her phone, remembering that one friend has family coming in today and she knows she will be excited.  She sends them a quick text to let them know she is happy for them.  Another friend is going through cancer so she sends her an encouraging note.  Hopefully it helps.  Another friend is going through the holidays having lost a son, she sends a prayer to them that their heart be at peace.  Other friends are just going about their day to day with nothing much new and she sends a few of them a “good morning” meme, wishing them a good day.  That accomplished it’s time for another cup of coffee.  Blessings, like the coffee every morning begin to filter though the heavy sadness that still grips her heart. Other blessings, like the dogs who faithfully stay near her.  She smiles as one of them lays down near near her, his head on her foot.  Her husband is beginning to stir as the sun peeks it’s head over the horizon.  He’s another blessing, a huge one.  He suffers with the same heart pain she does yet keeps on keeping on.  She says a quick prayer for him this morning.  The sun has made it’s full appearance and it’s time for that second cup of coffee.  The day moves on and so must she.  Perhaps she will find someone to give her latest crochet project to.  It makes her heart happy to give to others, and perhaps there is something she can do today that would bless them.  With that thought in mind, she gets up from her chair while removing her foot from under the dog, heads to the kitchen for her coffee as she hears her husband say, “Good morning, honey”. 

It’s going to be a good day.